So last night, as I restlessly lay in bed, going through the motions of tossing, turning, and readjusting (and all to no avail, I might add), it hit me. I am unhappy with my life...or rather, I was.
This conclusion came to me after I realized that life has been pretty great lately. I've been uncharacteristically productive: getting a lot of things read, written, and reorganized that I've been meaning to do for a long time, and, for once, I realized, there was really nothing that I was worrying about or stressing out over. So why was I unhappy?
Simple.
There was something missing.
An inexplicable hollow of nothingness, the elusive nature of which was eating away at my happiness...for how can one feel wholly content & complete without first feeling completely whole?
It may sound strange, but it took a bout of happiness & good fortune to make me realize what I'd been missing in life: my relationship with God had been growing increasingly distant & impersonal, and I was seriously beginning to feel its effects. To describe the utter peace and joy that I feel when I do keep a healthy, close relationship with my Heavenly Father is very difficult, and near impossible if I'm doing so to one without faith, but I'll try.
I don't want to compare it to a sense of complacency or apathy, because it's not like it makes me uncaring or emotionless, but when I feel close to God, I find myself genuinely happy &, honestly, not caring or stressing as much, even on seemingly big problems. It truly makes me feel like I can handle any problem in life because I know God's got my back, and there's nothing He can't handle. Like, giving my problems to God grants me a near physical relief as that weight is lifted, and, honestly, it makes me genuinely happy. Not the facade of happiness that I'm so used to plastering on for others & myself, but true, utter blissfulness. I suppose it's hard to understand unless you've experienced it.
Anywho...I just felt like sharing my little revelation of the night. If nothing else, hopefully this will serve as a reminder for me for when I undoubtedly slip up in my relationship with Him in the future.
May the peace of our Lord (which surpasses all understanding) be with you always!
*obligatory Lutheran response*: And also with you! (;
Amen & Amen.
mjl.
"Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill."
-Plumb, "God Shaped Hole"
