i meme, you meme, we all meme for ice meme

It's December!! And you know what that means...

Well, said, Sean Bean...and to that, all I have to say is...

fuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

mjl.

and now for something completely different!

In an attempt to fill your lives with 9 minutes and 40 seconds of laughter and joy, I present to you...

A bit of schadenfreude followed by some good clean fun!

ERSTE...

DER SCHADEN!

UND JETZT...

FREUDE!

This guy is so damn joyful, it's infectious. My new goal in life is to do this at some point...look out Valley Plaza...I'm comin' for ya.

until next time,

mjl.

another post 5 years late...

I really need to start writing in this thing as these events are happening to me.  I would apologize, but, in reality, I'm not the least bit sorry that my first thought when feeling like I'm going to die/actually almost dying isn't usually "Hey! I better update my blog!"

If you don't feel like hearing anymore about my crazy illness-inducing revelations, feel free to stop reading right now...I won't be offended, I promise. This is mainly for my own sake anyway.  

After my final release from the hospital (after all of the surgeries were finished), a friend from church asked me what I'd learned from all I'd been through. At first, it kind of seems like an odd question (Especially when you're only used to every adult within a 5 inch radius asking "Are you ok?? How are you feeling?"), but, if you think about it, I've managed to fill up a few full length blog entries about just some of the things I've learned by going through all this crap with Colitis, so I guess it was pretty astute of her to ask. This very smart woman then told me something I hadn't really thought of: "write it down. write down everything you've learned so you don't forget it." 

DUH! Why didn't I think of that??

So that's what I'm doing. I've written down a lot already, but I've left out one of the most important revelations I feel I've experienced, and, as Satan fights me tooth and nail to distract me from staying in constant communion with God, I figure keeping visual reminders of these revelations lying around won't hurt and may help serve as proverbial ammo.  So here it goes...

After first being diagnosed with Colitis, I wrote about what I'd then considered the lowest point I'd ever hit...well, this past summer I hit the new low...and it was terrifying.

The night before I first went to the first of three hospitals I'd be staying at over the next 3 months (for timeline's sake, I think it was around July 31st), I felt total and utter despondency.  At that point, nighttime was always the worst because that's when I'd be woken up in the middle of the night by excruciating cramps that felt like someone was sticking a hot knife in my gut and sliding it around. 

This particular night, the pain was bad...really bad. I remember crying and praying to God to please just take the pain away and, if it was His will, to please heal me.  And then the thoughts occurred to me...

What if He says "no"?...

You could be in pain for the rest of your life...

God doesn't have to heal you...

He could let you die right now.

Needless to say, it was a pretty scary time.  Satan was giving, what felt like, his all to try and tear my faith down and, to be honest, I felt like he was winning.

You see, throughout all of this crap with the colitis, I've tried really hard to stay positive and see the joy of God's work through the disease in my life, because that's what we're called to do, right? We're told to rejoice in our sufferings. Well, I felt like a failure because I wasn't rejoicing in the slightest.  I wasn't positive.  I was really really upset and really really in pain.  I felt like I'd given up and failed God.

I talked to my parents about it the next morning and asked for advice, so my mom brought in a devotional that had been written in conjunction with Psalm 84...this passage in particular stuck out:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

As they go through the Valley of Baca

they make it a place of springs;

the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength;

each one appears before God in Zion.

The Valley of Baca, she explained, is also called the "Valley of Tears", and the devotional explained that even though we, as believers, go through these valleys of tears and pain, God is with us, carrying us from strength to strength....in other words, as God continues to grow us (taking us from one strength to the next), we will go through crap; however, He will always be with us (even when we can't "feel" Him) and will make us stronger on the other side.

This was really helpful to hear and after she prayed with me and I had some time to think about things on my own, it also brought to mind something I'd read earlier that week by C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed, the book he wrote after his wife died.

He writes, 

From the rational point of view what grounds has Helen's death given me for doubting all that I believe? Should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith. The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow it is because it was a house of cards. Indeed, it's likely enough that what I shall call, if it happens, a 'restoration of faith', will turn out to be only one more house of cards.

It was exactly what I was going through!

I'd spent so much time "trying to stay positive" because, obviously, it was up to me to have strong faith and be Pauline and joyous in my sufferings.  God forbid I ever feel small or weak during this illness because then I would be letting God down!  I couldn't let God know that I had those feelings because then this strong faith that I'd built up for myself would be a failure!

(Yeah...thinking it through then and reading it again now, it was as stupid as it sounds and none of it Biblically warranted.)

My faith was a house of cards!  Not the fundamental things of importance like believing in Christ as my savior, trusting in His grace and forgiveness for my salvation, etc., but the fact that, all this time, I'd been relying on myself and thinking "Man, I'm staying so positive. God must be so proud of all that I'm doing to rejoice in my sufferings during these crappy times! I, I, I, me, me, me".  I had totally built that "faith" and "reliance on God" on the sinking sand of self reliance, and all it took was one little puff of breath from God to knock it down and show me, It's not about you...Rely on me. Let's start over and build it again, this time on the rock instead of the sand.

God helped me realize that I needed to let go of the pride I'd been clinging to and just fall into His arms and relax in His presence.  Yes, I had been going through crap times, and yes, I will no doubt go through many more, but it's not up to me to make sure I'm staying strong all by myself...I need to be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power (Eph. 6:10). 

Now, as Lewis notes, my next billion or so houses will, no doubt, also prove to be houses of cards that, in times of faith-refinement, will topple over, but, as the psalmist said, each time one falls, God will carry me from strength (old house) to strength (the next house). Each time one house falls, the next one grows stronger and will continue to do so until my house has been completely perfected (i.e. when I'm finally called home to my creator).  

And THAT is an awesome feeling.  Not knowing that I'm going to be constantly failing for the rest of my life (that was a given already), but knowing that God is using these failures to constantly make my faith stronger and bring me closer to Him.

Little did I know that the next day I would be told by my G.I. that my systems were shutting down and that I would require hospitalization, but by then, I didn't even care...I was actually happy, because from that point on, everything (from multiple hospitalizations to almost dying again to being told point-blank that a complete colectomy was my only option) seemed like nothing.  God brought me to the refining fire within that valley of tears and brought me out stronger than ever on the other side, and I felt ready for anything. And, now that I've gotten through the whole colitis thing, I can honestly say that that feeling was not without merit; God truly has and can get me through anything.

So, that's what I learned...Like I said, this is mainly a reminder for me.  If I don't make an effort to remember the lessons God's taught me, what's to stop me from forgetting/ignoring them and backsliding? If anyone else happens to come across this and glean something from it, cool. The Holy Spirit works in awesome ways and, most effectively, without my knowledge (which is for the best since God knows my ego doesn't need any boosting in thinking I have anything to do with it).

I'll write more soon, I promise.

until then,

mjl.

history of the world part iv

I suppose I should catch y'all up on what's been going on the past year. Because I know nothing thrills you guys more than diving into a good recounting of mediocre events as told by your's truly. Where to begin...where to begin....oh, yes...

I graduated from college!

Thumbs up if you're a Theatre Major aka Talented Hobo of Tomorrow!

Ran my first 5K!

FUN FACT: Gatorade commercials were correct about sweat being florescent.

Turned 23...AT DISNEYLAND!

FUN FACT #2: You will get annoyed looks from hat vendors if you only try on hats on for pictures and have no intention of buying them.

AND grew a moustache!!

No pithy comments for this one...just a real hot pic.

Ok, that last one didn't happen, but since my History of 2012 slideshow was turning into How Many of My Recent FB Profile Pictures Can I Post, I figured I'd throw it in. In reality, my Disneyland birthday celebration was followed by the worst Colitis flareup I've ever experienced resulting in --drum roll, please-- 4 weeks of hospital visits at 3 different hospitals within a period of 2 months resulting in the removal of 1 inflamed & diseased colon. (See what I did there?)

You got a sneak peek at these happenings during one of my posts a few months ago about why getting colitis was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me (a fact I still stand by), which I posted during my second hospital visit (the one that came after I almost died--for the second time--by passing out and bleeding to death on my bathroom floor, got to ride in an ambulance for the first time, and wear an oxygen mask that made me sound like Bane when I talked)

When your colon is in ashes, you have my permission to die.

It was getting PRETTY crazy down in the ole' large intestine, so my G.I. figured it was time to get 'er out... which I was down with cause as cool as having two near death experiences within 3 weeks may sound, it gets real old, real fast...especially when you have to get multiple blood transfusions

For all I know, I got four units of dog blood...

So on September 6, my colon was removed and replaced by a "J-Pouch" (aka my small intestine stretched down, made into a colon-esque reservoir, and connected to my butt) with a temporary ileostomy (aka poopin' in a bag). *Side Note* My doctor (Dr. Sack) is THE single greatest, most talented & amiable surgeon who's ever lived. 

The face of a colon-less winner.

The face of someone who poops in a bag.

There were some complications after the first surgery (i.e. an undetected UTI that caused my bowels to shut down) resulting in me having to get readmitted 3 hrs after being discharged because of unbearable stomach cramps and incessant vomiting. This was followed by another week in the hospital, 5 days of which were spent with an NG tube that went up my nose, around my brain (they say it didn't really, but it felt like it), and down my throat to pump my stomach...it was as wonderful as it sounded.

FUN FACT #3: You can hear the cartilage in your nasal cavity loudly snapping and breaking if someone forcibly shoves a tube through it!

It sucked, but, once again, was a wonderful teaching opportunity that God used to show me how relying on Him rather than focusing on the bad can make the suck suck suckiest of situations seem like nothing at all.

After that, I spent 7 weeks with the ileostomy while my J-Pouch healed up, then went back to get it removed, get the J-Pouch hooked up, and start pooping like a pro again.

It's been a crazy ride, but, like I've said before, I can't express how grateful to God I am that I was blessed with this disease. I've learned and grown so much just in the past few months; I've grown closer to my family and friends; and have experienced, more times than I can count, the surpassing peace and love of our Heavenly Father through the Holy Spirit working in my life....basically it's been pretty fricken fantastic.

So....yeah. That's been my life the past year. Graduated from college, was healed of colitis, and grew closer to God...no big deal.

looking forward to next year,

mjl

postscript

a note to self for your's truly after the NG tube came out

po'boy

This poor, poor blog. I literally leave it for months on end before remembering to come back and feed it. (*see previous post regarding tamigotchi analogy*) But this time will be different! This time I swear I'll try to keep my posts somewhat regular!

With the help of my new Activia yogurt, ANYTHING is possible!

I do actually have a lot to update on and i'm sure you all have questions that only your's truly can answer (e.g. Are colons really for wimps? Do you think Obama cheats at Battleship? Do you also assume that Paul Ryan names his biceps?)

     I call this one Jefferson         & this one Susan B. Anthony

The answer to all of these, of course, is yes. But I'm afraid I'll have to keep you waiting on the edge of your ergonomically correct swivel seats for the why and the how until I find a sufficient amount of time to address these things.  Just know, for now, that I'm healthy, wealthy, and wise (well...2/3 isn't bad) and will be back with you all soon.

until then,

mjl.

Why Being Diagnosed With a Chronic, Life-Threatening, Auto-Immune Disease Was the Greatest Blessing I've Ever Received

In a few weeks, I'm going to be colon-less.  I'm going to have a little hot dog-looking stoma sticking out of my belly and will be able to, for a few months at least, live out every man's dream of being able to go to the bathroom without getting out of bed.  (Isn't that everyone's dream?)

In a few months, God willing, I will be cured of Ulcerative Colitis.

Upon coming to this realization, I, of course, being the stoic little stone that I am, began to cry like a kindergardener on the first day of school.  But instead of tears of sadness, they were tears of joys.

A few people have called me "inspirational"...hardly.  Passing out and snoring on your bathroom floor followed by a week of sitting in a vibrating bed reading InStyle and watching reruns of "Frasier" is hardly what I'd call "inspirational" behavior.  I don't feel brave; I don't feel any stronger than anyone else; I feel at peace.

Paul, in his letter to the Philippians, speaks of a "peace that passes all understanding", and, not to sound like some hipster elitist, but this isn't really something you can put into words or understand (hence the phrasing) until you've gone through it.  To feel God work in your life through circumstances that you know should be terrifying and to bring you, not only peace, but indescribable joy...THAT is inspiring.  Not anything that I've done, but the work God's done in me.

Although I hope it doesn't take a fully diseased colon to get you there, my prayer for you all is that God may someday soon fill you to the brim with this peace.

Amen? Amen.
mjl.

well, i'm officially an actor

Ok, not really, I still haven't had a paid gig yet, but I did just return from my first professional auditions which, for me at least, is a big step.

I've spent the past two mornings standing outside of Disney's Team/Cast Member offices, ready to sell my wares which, in this case, was my lovely little self and talents.  Sadly, there were no takers, but such is life. I've got a thick skin and a sufficiency that lies with something and someone greater than Disney Resort's Casting Director, so I'm really just grateful for the experience (:

Anywho, yesterday morning was the Disney Cruise Line audition which called for Character Performers. I got to the offices around 8:45 since I'd heard the number of actors can get pretty grotesque at these auditions; not the case for DCL. There were about 20 people there, including myself, when I arrived, and only about 40 others had joined when they finally let us in at 9:45.  I met some pretty cool people while in line, though I should note that the people I didn't talk to seemed equally sweet as well.  I think that was one of the most pleasant parts of the whole experience: EVERYONE seemed genuinely friendly and nice.

The guy and girl I spent the most time talking to had auditioned for Disney several times before and were telling me some of their past experiences (e.g. the girl had been told she's "too ethnic looking to be cast as a princess" because she's a quarter black--she looked totally white, the guy explained the "Fuzzy Auditions" process--masked/costumed characters, etc.); neither had done DCL auditions before so none of us knew what to expect. 

Anyway, around 9:45, we were finally checked in through security and led into an office building (which I was informed was designed with Goofy in mind) where we signed in, dropped off our headshots, and were measured (side note, the Disney measuring is whack. I'd heard this from others and then experienced it first-hand when they said I was 5'5.5"...whatever, still met their max. height allowance of 5'5"-5'8", so I didn't complain). 

We were then led to a dance studio in the backlot behind Toon Town where we were given about 10 minutes to stretch before our choreographer and casting directors came in.  The casting director informed us that although they were casting "fully-costumed characters" for the cruise, those cast would also be double-cast as ensemble dancers for the mainstage shows on the boat. <-- in theatre, film, and literature, this would be known as "foreshadowing", but, seeing as I am the protagonist in my own tale, I was obviously oblivious to this foreboding sign that I would more likely than not be eventually cut

The choreographer showed us two counts of eight that really weren't too difficult, but were given to us super fast with pretty much zero time in between learning them (i.e. "do this, this, this, prep, turn, turn, prepare, kick. got it? good. moving on" <-- = this all transpired in .87 seconds). It was really frustrating for me, because had I been given more than a second and a half to process it, I know I could've gotten it down well, but because I'm not a singularly focused dancer by trade, the download and process time for the clustered browser that is my mind is CONSIDERABLY slower than the dozen or so professional dancers at the audition who had it perfectly the second the choreographer showed it to us.

Damn it! I said pirouette, not chaine!!

(....the inner workings of my mind are run by irritable Asian women...obviously)

So the choreographer broke us into two groups and had us just take turns doing the combination to the music (this was apparently our "rehearsal" time, though she stopped dancing in the front after about the second or third time we'd tried it with music, and we weren't really allowed to practice it or make sure we had it right).  After a handful of times, they started calling us forward in groups of five for the actual audition.  Thankfully, God granted me with some rhythm and sense of movement, so I pretty much had it with just a couple wonky bits I never quite perfected, but I can smile and fake it with the best of 'em, so my audition wasn't too bad and nowhere near the worst of the bunch...

God, I hope I get it! I hope I get it!

However, "not too bad" isn't good enough when your competition is a bunch of girls who dance in professional ballet troupes (like this really nice girl I met who could've been the twin of Britney from "Glee"...she didn't even make it).

Out of the 60 or so people, they kept about 12...I was not one of those 12, but, like I said, it really didn't bring me down too much.  I'm not a professional dancer; that's not where I've chosen to focus my training, so I don't feel bad about not getting cast for a dancer's role.

This morning's audition for Character Look-Alikes for Fantasmic! was a little tougher to take, but still, I feel relatively unscathed. 

I didn't realize today's audition was specifically for "Look-Alikes"...I thought it was another Character Performer call (for those of you keeping score at home, that's Foreshadowing: 2, Missy: 0). I also thought the turnout would be similar to yesterday's, so I didn't feel bad about letting Megan sleep in and not getting to the audition until 9:20...that was my second mistake.  There were HUNDREDS of people camped out at this morning's audition.

It kind of looked like an Occupy protest...but with less rape & defecating in the streets

Once again, I met some really nice people while waiting in line, which made the two hours of moving very, VERY slowly through the line (they took groups of about 60-70 people backstage every 15-20 mins or so) a little more bearable.  My group finally got in around 11:45.  By this time, we'd already seen a TON of people get let go, so most of us knew the cuts were going to be subjectively off of our looks right off the bat.  Surprise, surprise...they were.

We were led into the same dance studio that DCL auditions had been in the morning before, but this time we had to line up in rows seven deep behind the numbers 1-10 on the floor.  The same DCL casting directors entered and explained that they needed Look-Alikes who both look like the needed Disney cartoons (apparently they recently had another Fantasmic! audition in which they already hired a bunch of people for the show, so I don't know who exactly they needed) AND look similar enough to the people who already work in the show.

....Close enough....

Then we had to smile...and that was it.

Simple enough.

We literally just stood there, smiling, while the casting directors walked past us and said "Good morning".  Only two girls from my row went on, totaling maybe half a dozen out of the seventy of us who were asked to go on.  It was slightly more frustrating than yesterday's since I can't really help how much I look like the characters they need or who they already have, but whateverz, it's not going to deter me from auditioning for other Disney stuffs later as they come up (:

As we were being led out of the studio past the next hopeful group about to go in, I passed a girl who said, "Oh no, she was cute!" I'd thought the exact same thing about fifteen times earlier that day, which also makes my non-casting a little easier to take, cause, hey, at the end of the day, at least I know I wasn't cut for being some deformed, uggo...at least I don't think I was (;

animatedly your's,
mjl.

i'm sorry for the unkind words i spoke out of hunger

sooooooooooooo, i've been on a juice fast (non-strict-- aka had a couple bites of rice one night, some crackers the day before-- for about a week, strict-- nothin' but the good stuff-- for like 3 or 4 days).......yeah.

the flareup who came to dinner, like any unwanted guest, has been annoyingly persistent in delaying his departure even after i've given all the signs that i clearly DO NOT want any guests right now (i.e. yawning conspicuously, mentioning how early i have to get up tomorrow & need to get to bed asap, etc.), so i've been forced to smoke him out.

now, as any good crohn's patient knows, food can have a tremendous impact on the irritated/ulcerated parts of your intestines. normally, i'm good just eating sups (pronounced "soups") bland during a flareup, but this one has gotten so bad and my colon is so bloody ulcerific that any and everything, from a deep dish pizza to a grain of white rice, is being seen as toxic by my body and grating to my ulcers, which causes lots of blood and stomach cramps...yay.

Little known symptom...falling asleep on the bathroom floor in a pair of mom-jeans

so what's the best way to stop the irritation/bleeding caused by all foods? deny my body food. vair smart, no?

yeah. it sounded stupid to me too, but i think it's working. i'm passing next to no blood and am no longer being woken up 5 times in the middle of the night with nausea and stomach cramps so bad they make you want to punch a panda. plus, it's pretty damn healthy getting all of your nutrients from fruits and veggies, so i feel good (generally) and have lost a crap ton of weight (over 20lbs).

the only thing that sucks? you don't get to eat food.

as much as i love turning into a skinny minnie, i like food better. and right now, all i really want is a burrito bigger than my head (which, coincidentally, has not lost any weight).

i totally trust God with this disease, so i know things are all going to work out one way or another...i just wanted to give you all the disclaimer in case i rip your head off out of hunger.

dreaming of comida mexicana...
mjl.