but the greatest of these is love

I love everyone.

Or, at least, I try to.

It can be a difficult goal to aim for, but, hey, Jesus managed to love the bastards who tortured & murdered him so I guess it won't kill me to make more of an effort to love the Mercedes driver who cut me off in traffic or the know-it-all in my cast who knows how to play everyone's part better than they do. However, in a world filled with unloveables (your's truly ranking quite high on that list), there are some people who not only make it easy for me to love them, but they make it a pleasure for me to adore them.

Mon joies de vivre.

People who make this writer flee to her thesaurus because phrases like "beautifully wonderful" & "truly amazing" are lackluster bits of drivel that can in no way describe the true beauty & perfection that these people have attained in her eyes.

People for whom I would lay down my life without a moment of hesitation.

People who make it a little easier for me to understand our Heavenly Father's indescribably powerful love for us.

People I absolutely and legitimately LOVE.

I feel so fortunate to have these people in my life, and I've realized I should probably make more of an effort to let them know how I feel. So New Year's resolution #1:
live out the love I feel for the phenomenal people in my life
Here's to the new year.

♥
mjl.

martin martin martin

i'm Lutheran.

Martin Luther: Leader of the Reformation and Inventor of the Snuggie

due to my frequent proclamations of my love for Lutheran doctrine/liturgy, carefree irreverence towards life, and belief that coffee and donuts after church are the third sacrament, this fact should be about as surprising as me saying i'm German.

i really do love being Lutheran, though. because although Lutheranism may carry a lot of heavy foam reminiscent of Catholic mass during some of our services (i.e. liturgy, creeds, etc), once you sip past it all & get to your creamy & delicious mocha underneath the foam, it basically provides, what i believe to be, the simplest and most true to scripture route to get to Heaven which is faith in Jesus Christ.

no need to live a specific lifestyle, wear certain clothes, pray to certain saints, have a certain amount of children, go confess to an intercessor, or feel burdensome guilt over what you've done...just admit when you've done wrong & ask forgiveness of the one person who really matters, and you're good to go.

there's a pretty succinct and accurate summary of the Lutheran doctrine called the Five Solas, which reads as follows:


sola scriptura - sola fide - sola gratia - solus Christus - soli Deo gloria
scripture alone - faith alone - grace alone - Christ alone - glory to God alone
although it looks a lot longer than what i said earlier (just having "faith in Jesus Christ"), it's still the same principle, just empowered by the specific parts that embody it.

scripture alone - the Bible is the inspired Word of God: a source through which He has chosen to reveal Himself to us, his people. it is therefore the source of any Doctrine and is accessible to all (not just priests & elders)

faith alone - faith in Jesus Christ, not good works or anything else, is the only way to achieve Salvation. this doesn't mean Lutherans believe that good works should be thrown out altogether (obviously living a life that is "pleasing in God's eyes" is something that one should strive for & naturally want when walking in a healthy relationship with Him), just that they're not at all necessary to earn God's love or salvation.

grace alone - the Salvation we receive comes strictly from God's grace. it is absolutely and unquestionably an unmerited gift that we haven't earned or deserved in any way, but receive anyway because of his undying love for us. (take that all of you denominations & religions that say you have to do this, wear that, & say this to earn God's favor & salvation because there's not a damn thing you can do! God's going to love you anyway, so HA!) it's a little humbling, i suppose, to have to admit that you're basically crap at your core, but shouldn't be too shocking a revelation since mankind, although absolutely capable of being loving, selfless, and kind, is, in its essence, a sinful & selfish race. this should also be extremely heartening, though, to know that God adores you in spite of your flaws and still wants nothing more than for you to be with Him in paradise.

Christ alone - Jesus is the only way to Heaven. he's also the only mediator between us & God since He was both human & divine, which means no pope, preacher, saint, or virgin can bring you any closer to God because you already have a direct and loving relationship with Him all by yourself.

glory to God alone - pretty much what it says, and similar to the grace alone principle. all glory in life is due to God alone. any good that we do is not because of our own talents or accomplishments, but because of the gifts God has given us. again, very humbling, but true nonetheless. besides, mankind needs to be taken down a peg or two on the whole ego front anyways. on the whole, we're all far too pleased with ourselves. when i was younger, my dad used to let my sisters & i sit on his lap & "drive" down some of the back alleys behind our house, which basically meant we had our hands on the wheel while he did all the real work, but to my sisters and i, we were the drivers. that's how i view the relationship between us & God when it comes to our accomplishments in life...we can hardly boast in anything we do when we're being completely guided & steered the entire way.

and there you have it! Lutheranism 101. take it or leave it if you don't like it or agree with it, but now, at least, you have a little bit of an idea behind what we believe. and really, from what i've heard from friends and others in other Christian denominations, it's pretty chill in comparison with a lot of other stuff out there. we're not big on the whole guilt for your sins thing since we understand that, on a cellular level, we're born to screw up on a daily basis.

like martin says, "sin boldly".

don't live life in fear of God's wrath, rather live in the peace & joy of His unending love for you.

amen & amen.
mjl.


Be a sinner and sin boldly, but more boldly have faith and rejoice in Christ.
- Martin Luther -

looking up

today is a good day.

i had a checkup with my primary care physician this morning, & everything is looking healthy & normal. i can't even begin to describe how good that feels. to say that i feel utterly blessed beyond compare by my adoring, Heavenly Father is a gross understatement.

you know, it might be kind of weird, but the only place i can really talk about this kind of stuff is on my blog, otherwise i'll start crying like the pansy-ass that i am. but i can't help it! every time i think back to the vomiting, the fevers & shivering, the visits to the ER, and week-long hospital stays, and thinking of how scary that whole ordeal was (not knowing what was wrong with me, being told night after night that i'd be able to go home the next day only to have the cycle of fever & nausea return the next morning), i can't help but tear up when considering what my life is like now.

i'm acting again. i'm working out & feel stronger than ever. i'm able to eat almost anything i want without fear of getting ridiculously ill. and i am so elated at the turn of events my life has been taking lately.

i'm growing up. and as truly terrifying a prospect as that is, i feel ready for it because i know that my Heavenly Father is going to be with me no matter what. as cliche as it may sound, he truly will not give me anything i can't handle, and because of this illness, i understand that a little better now.

the lowest point i've ever felt was the third or fourth night i was in the hospital (for the second time). one of my doctors had just left the room after telling me they still didn't know what was wrong with me, and that i'd have to stay another night. my family members, too, had vacated the room briefly, and i was able to be alone for a little while.

i remember staring up at the cross on the wall next to my bed and just crying. i'd thought that i'd finally figured out why God had given me this disease, and that everything was going to be ok, only to have it all ripped out from under me by one visit from my doctor.

i can't recall a time i've ever felt so truly alone.

i was so frustrated and upset with God for letting me go through all i'd gone through only to be told that i'd have to endure it even longer. i had lost hope, and my faith, though still standing, was under severe attack. but as the days went by, and i was overwhelmed by the onslaught of prayers, well wishes, & sage advice from the most vivid display of Christ's love personified in the form of my family & friends, it became easier to accept the fact that i don't need to know every why behind what happens to me, and to truly understand that sometimes God puts us in severely shitty situations in order to make us stronger. and i truly believe i've become a stronger person because of all i've gone through.

as truly awful as all of the crap that comes with this disease can be, God has been with me, and continues to stay with me, the whole time, holding me and caring for me, even when it felt like he wasn't there.

c.s. lewis said it best, "i know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. you are, yourself, the answer."

God is love.

love is all you need.

my beginning philosophy class would therefore conclude that:
God is all you need.

amen & amen.
mjl.

if you were wondering...

reasons i'm blessed (as of Monday, November 22, 2010):

- i didn't get a ticket on friday for my California roll through a dorm stop sign
- i WILL end up being able to direct/act in the play i wrote (which is going up at The Empty Space this February & March)
- i'm pretty sure i nailed my Judicial Powers Under the Constitution final this morning
- my professor said i can send my paper in late, as long as i get it in one way or another, which is awesome cause i lost my prompt & wasn't sure what exactly i was supposed to write on, so i was going to just accept my zero & move on, but now i have a chance to still get some credit for it :D
- my mom just bought peanut butter pretzels from Costco
- i was cast in New Kid (the traveling children's show at CSUB)
- the kid's show is double cast & kamala put cody & i together for our cast :DDD
- my friends are kind of amazing
- i get to spend quality time with my wonderful family this week when we go up to San Jose for Thanksgiving
- mark's paying for us to go to a Blackhawks/Sharks game while we're up there :D
- last time i went to the GI, he said my blood tests show that I'm no longer anemic & that all of my inflammatory markers were down :DDDDD
- Jesus loves me

so overall, life is pretty swell right now. i'm so so so so grateful to God.

peace 'n' blessin's,
mjl.


ps...i'm currently an expert on state/federal governments' powers to tax/spend as well as what they're constitutionally allowed to regulate as far as inter & intrastate commerce is concerned & which Supreme Court cases established all of that, so if anyone has any questions about any of that, you have about 12 more hours before it's all completely out of my brain & i become an expert on the supposed "myths" of the free market economy for tomorrow's final

blessed.

In my limited vocabulary, that's the only word I can muster up to describe how I feel.

Utterly & abundantly blessed.

I got a call from my wonderful, and most favorite, director, Zoe Saba, today during which she informed me that my performance as Madame Pernelle in CSUB's production of Tartuffe had earned me a nomination to compete at Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival's Irene Ryan Acting Competition!

This is my second nomination, and, honestly, I couldn't be happier for a number of reasons.

First, this role of the crotchety grandma (who according to a lovely review from our new dean of Arts & Humanities was a blend of Hamlet's Polonius & The Importance of Being Earnest's Lady Bracknell) was not one that I chose or wanted, but was assigned to me because I was the best fit with who we had audition for the other roles. But along the rehearsal process, I, with the help of my lovely director, was able to explore and really play & discover this crazy Julia Childs/Nathan Lane a la Birdcage character, and I ended up really loving her.

Second, six months ago, I was stuck in a hospital bed wondering if I'd ever be able to act or do shows again. Even 8 weeks ago, when Zoe talked to me about being in the show and asked if I was healthy, I told her yes, but still felt that gnawing fear in the back of my mind that I really didn't know if I was going to get sick again somewhere down the line of the rehearsal or performance process. Yet after all the ER trips, hospital stays, doctor visits, and fears, I was able to perform again. I was able to do what I love and what, I feel, God created me to do. And, not only that, but I was recognized for the talents God's given me & rewarded for them.

So naturally, when my dad brought up the fact that it was so wonderful seeing me up on stage doing what I love rather than stuck writhing in a hospital bed, I started tearing up, simply because of this entry's namesake...

I felt blessed.

So extremely blessed and joyous that God has given me so, so much.

Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.
-john 16:22-

♥
mjl.

as i said before, i'm grotesquely sentimental...

alright, it's official: i was born in the wrong time period and color saturation.

it's clear to me now that i was obviously supposed to live in a romantic, black & white film that they show on repeat on Turner Classic Movies.

Now just picture me in place of Julie Andrews (;
i like to think of myself as a stoic, proud, and emotionless robot, so indulging in romantic, old, war films is as close to love as i feel like i may ever get, and that's alright with me. because, honestly, rather than thinking of the depressing state in which love and romance seem to have fallen, i'd like to live with the romanticized notion that the man with whom i fall in love will be a James Garner, Carey Grant, or Jimmy Stewart-type, that each quarrel we fight will be costumed in billowing trench coats & fedoras, dreamily lit by a dimly glowing lamp post, our words nearly drowned out by the rain pouring dramatically in the background, barely covering the dull roar of the plane that threatens to carry one of us away, and all of it finally resolved by a kiss which will be accompanied by the amorous flow of beauty and passion that is released by the simple stroke of bow to violin string.

is that too much to ask?

affectionately yours,
mjl.

Alles Gute Zum Geburtstag Faj!!!

I forgot to mention, today is my faj's birthday!!
52 years ago today, in Manhattan, KS, my faj was the brave little fetus that could that navigated his way through the birth canal & became born...YAY!! Happy birthday, daddy! I love you!

mjl.